I think my fart just growled at me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
