dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
