She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
