the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
