haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
