Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
