david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
