I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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