my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
whose parrot is this?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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