I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
