In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
