is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
