Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
