Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
