i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
