real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
