Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
