So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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