This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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