I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
