just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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