He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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