Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
