i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
