he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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