It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
