Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
