There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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