Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
