You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
