Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
