ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
