Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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