She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
