Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
