final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was like eating out sand paper
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
