fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize