And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Houston, we have a blender
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
