DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
