I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
