Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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