You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
