I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just puked most of my soul out..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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