The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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