Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
