I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
