Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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