I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
