woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
