have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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