Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
