i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
