I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
