I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
