Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
