My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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