We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
