Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
