I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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