So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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