im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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