I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
