party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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