her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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