no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
