Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
