The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
