I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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