I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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