I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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