I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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