The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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